Princess
by Kalen
Summary: Relena reflects on what it is to be a princess.


Princess

I wonder how many girls always wanted to be a princess.

The amount has to have been countless; every girl grows up hearing about Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and Snow White. They are told romantic stories about princesses and their knights, a kingdom ruined and saved, and when they are older see plays such as _Romeo and Juliet_. But what about the real princesses?

I should know, I am one. It isn't like that, not in the least. And I would certainly never allow myself to become such a helpless idiot as to need "rescuing." I suppose that could be argued against - I was foolhardy enough to place myself in situations that were less than safe, such as boarding Libra. Even then, I could have left when Milliardo told me to leave, or when Hilde offered to take me with her. I chose to stay because I believed I could talk my brother out of the lunacy he had so deeply entwined himself with. The fact Heero decided to come get me was merely convenience. That, and he was able to talk me out of my idealistic stubbornness.

And when Heero showed up the second time, in the Presidential Estate after Mariemaia kidnapped me, everything was already resolved; he was there to tie up loose ends. I'm not about to say I'm all-powerful, I do need help quite often - but I'm not helpless as those fictitious princesses are all too often portrayed.

As princesses go, I was born one. The kingdom fell before I was two, and I was raised as the daughter of a wealthy diplomat, one of my biological father's closest friends.

How many girls dreamed of what happened to me? I found out at fifteen, when my life was more or less at its most miserable that I had truly been born the daughter of a king and queen. But the price I paid…

The only father I'd ever known, not some king I'd never heard of, died telling me I was a Peacecraft child, the heiress to a pacifist nation. Was it any wonder I didn't want to believe him? I lied when my mother asked if he'd said anything, but when I saw she was going to tell me once more I broke down. I didn't _want_ to be a princess, not in this day and age.

My father - despite the fact he was not, I still consider him that - had frequently taken me to the diplomatic meetings with him, with the hopes that we could spend time together. Needless to say, it didn't work, but it was too selfish at the time to realize that it took a lot for him just to _try_ to be with me. He wasn't even my real father. I saw queens and yes, princesses, break down under the pressure of having to rule, even those that had been born and prepared all their lives to be leaders. All the glamour stripped away, I knew better than to want to be a princess.

Now I was being forced to live a nightmarish version of "every girl's dream." I was frightened out of my mind. My adopted mother was unable to speak with me, my brother had broken the family tradition, the rest of my family was dead, and on top of it all I had some spiky-haired boy telling me he was going to kill me - and I had a crush on him.

I was clinging to the pacifist tradition, and trying to keep from going insane at the same time. In the end, the Gundams won the war, and Heero destroyed the remaining piece of Libra. I was asked to be the Vice Foreign Minister, and of course I accepted. Within a year I was promoted, succeeding and surpassing my father.

Then the wars broke out again, this time with Mariemaia Khushrenada kidnapping me. I sympathized with the child; she only wanted to follow in her father, Treize's, footsteps, much as I had tried to follow the teachings of King Peacecraft. The problem was, she was so disillusioned by her grandfather Dekim she mistook Treize's example for war. My brother came back from the dead, and the Gundams as well as their pilots re-appeared. I learned then what Heero had been trying to tell me the whole time - peace cannot be gained through war, but neither can it be gained through sitting by and doing nothing. Only the strong spirit of the people can decide anything.

I stopped being the Cinq Kingdom's princess then, just as my brother had stopped being its prince the moment it fell and he joined Specials. I understood why my biological parents died, and why Milliardo, or rather, Zechs, had had to grow up the way he did - with only a single friend and an outcast from the world. It was because of the wars that occurred because people didn't understand peace.

I think of this as I gaze out the window, into an L1 city where I'm staying for a few meetings. I wonder what happened while I was princess, when I was fifteen such a long time ago. I'm twenty-five now, not old by any means. My six-year-old daughter Katrina is playing with her kitten at my feet, while my husband Heero types somewhere at the other end of the room. I'm reading over countless treaties that probably won't be followed or completed for years, but I'm oddly content.

The kitten bounces into my lap, and Kat follows soon after. I pet both of their heads and smile at them, treaties forgotten. I still cringe when Heero calls Kat 'princess,' but I don't say anything. The reason we and everyone else fought so hard to reclaim peace was so that children like Kat could grow up without knowing the true meaning of what they encounter. I hope that Kat will never know the pain of being a real princess, or a soldier for that matter.

I read Kat fairy tales, as any mother should, and she hears about Snow White, Cinderella, and all those fictitious princesses. But I also tell her about Han Mulan, and the powerful women who ruled nations. And when she tires of all of these, I tell her about a princess who lost her kingdom, and when she regained it, gave it back for her true ideals. One day she'll ask whom that princess is.

And I'll tell her it was I.

Please send comments & criticism to [me][1]. 

   [1]: mailto:ami-kalen@mad.scientist.com



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